Ready to QUIT!

[draug]

Well, when I just started this whole weight loss thing....about a week ago, I said that I never realized how much I was eating in one day until I started really paying close attention, and how often I was eating...I really wasn't ever without food in my hand! Back then (it seems like forever ago!!!) I was disgusted with myself, yes, but ready to take myself on and beat the fat! Nothing has really changed since then except now I just want to quit the whole d**n thing! Right now I'm perfectly happy with the idea of spending the rest of my life burried in chocolate wrappers and sweatpants, and that disturbs me in all honesty.

Things just seem so...out of control. I'm behind at school since I missed two days last week, I'm stressing out about a few bad tests that are bringing down my college grades, plus I feel just awful about not showing up to work this afternoon like I said I would! Prof. Ward, my "boss", told me it was okay, that the project will wait until I get caught up, so on and so forth, but I feel like I've let him - and myself - down. They've been waiting all summer for someone to work on this project because they couldn't get enough students interested and here I go not even bothering to show up!
The youth at my church have turned against me because I don't go to very many things anymore, but that's because our new youth pastor is charging crazy prices to go on these trips now! Like an overnight suddenly costs $50!!! I don't have that kind of money!!! But some of these kids are middle-schoolers, freshmen, the age where they have parents to pay for these things, and they just don't get why I can't be there! I can't even afford the gas to make it all the way to my job the next time I do go!!! Not that it really matters, because unless I get a some sort of amazing scholarship I won't be able to go to college next year so what's the use???
My mom's yelling at me because she doesn't think I'm trying hard enough and my dad just ignores everything and everyone in hopes that it'll all fix itself. He's under enough stress of his own anyway - his company is rushing headfirst into chapter 11 and his bipolar boss is too busy picking fights and spending money to help him make the changes they desperatly need. He personally took a huge paycut, something in the order of 30, almost 40% so that the people on the bottom of the ladder could make ends meet. But he's a regular Willy Lowman, refuses to let our lifestyle change even though we can't afford to keep on living like this. And here I am complaining that I don't know what to do!
I feel so petty, whining about this and that. Like last night was Halloween, my favorite holiday EVER, and my friend Tobria calls me and invites me to hang out with her and her boyfriend and some of his friends, meet the gang. I didn't have a costume or anything - my mom says that I'm too old for that, and I think she's worried now since I said it was my favorite holiday, probably thinks I'm into some kind of evil cult or something - but she loaned me a dress from RenFest for the night and we went on down, except I discovered that once again, out of 7 people, I was the only one there without a "serious relationship". Which I've never really minded, being the independant person that I am, but there is something disturbing when you're all alone in a room full of people who you just met half an hour ago who have all decided that it would be fun to make out in random corners and leave you to sit in a borrow dress to stare at the wall!!! It sucked. Big time. Especially when Tobria decided that it would be amusing to share with the group that I'm 18 and have never been kissed. Oh, ya, great fun then. Have you ever been hit on by a girl dressed up like one of Tolkien's Elves??? Very disturbing.
And to top it all off I just found out that one of my best friends in the whole entire wide world, Will, joined the Army and is now in basic training....
So I come home and hit the left over candy - my mom bought the full-sized candy bars this year. 4 boxes of them. She gave away....maybe half a box? So they're all sitting on my dining room table, right next to the stairs, wide open for all the world to grab.........

Wow, that was pretty long, but the funny thing is I do feel better now. I mean, I'm still disgusted with myself - I've eaten so many of those candy bars I went digging through the trash bag to hide my pile of wrappers on the bottom just so I wouldn't have to look at them. And I stopped playing DDR for a while, because I have so much work to do...besides, that would just make my mom yell at me because she would see that as playing instead of working and taking things seriously. I never realized what control food has over me and I hate it but I can't seem to find the strength to fight it. Anyway there's no use going on that tangent, so I'd better get back to work. Thanks for listening!

[abrannan]

Wow, it sounds like you've really got a lot going on, and could use a few sympathetic shoulders. Being that I'm a guy, my first instinct is to try and tell you how to make it all better, but really, I don't know how. It's hard enough to start a new diet, particularly in the first two weeks, when everythin'gs new and you still have cravings. And it's hard enough on it's own to have money troubles, or to feel overwhelmed by the amount of stuff you have to do. But to have all three going on at once must be driving you crazy. The only advice I have for you is to try and keep a positive attitude. Remember that you always have choices in your life. You may not be able to choose what happens to you, but you can ALWAYS choose how you react to it. Just take things on a little at a time, and compartmentalize out the other things in your life for a few moments. I always find that when I'm feeling overwhelmed, it can seem like too much to do anything, but if I can pull together and focus on one thing and get it done, then it's off the list for good.

And for practical advice, I'd go see the student financial aid office now. The more time you have to prepare and review your options, the easier time you'll have should you need to take advantage of those options.

Just remember that we're always here to help and support you, whenever you need to vent. Feel free to drop me a PM or email if you'd rather not talk to the group.

[sly rax]

Venting feels good, doesn't it? ;D I really don't have any advice for you. I am kind of a college student in a similar boat. My grades aren't sliding much, but it may be enough to lose the scholarship that I have (and I will have to see financial aid). I work 30 hours a week, and I have 12 hours of classes. One of those classes is Intro to Software Engineering, which I have spent no less than 12 hours every week working on outside of class (my group has to build a working surveillance system for a storage room).

I really don't know what to tell you but...hang in there. I can probably think of some other cliche (where is that stupid accented 'e'?), but I'm sure you've heard it all before. Good luck, and there is always somebody here for you.

[Elegantly Wasted]

Huggs Draug

I know that things just seems unbearable and you can't breathe. Feel free to vent out when ever you need to. There are some very understandable people here. Like abrannan said.. If you need to talk in private, you can always pm. Keep you're head up. Things will look better soon.

[JMS3576]

I completely empathize with you.
I've been there and done that.

When it all seems too much for me here's what I do, and trust me it isn't the easiest thing to do when you are used to juggling 8 things at a time, but you HAVE to find a way to make this happen....
Do nothing for a day.
Absolutely waste a full day on nothing, or something that will do nothing but make you happy.
Read a book.
Play a game.
Listen to 20 of your favorite CD's.
Do not make any plans for this day.
Do not listen to anyone that tells you it is wrong.
I for one feel like wasting a day is nothing but making the pile of work wating bigger, but in actuallity, after I waste my day, I am 1000 times more recharged to tackle what is awaiting me.

I still feel guilty a little, but I know that I need it.

Ok, now that you've gone ahead and taken a you day, and please remember that no matter what, every human deserves a "you day" every now and again.
Now that the you day is covered, it's back to reality.
Back to fast food, and sweets.
And that's fine, in moderation.
My motto / philosophy / mantra, call it what you will, is that we do not live on earth long enough to not enjoy the multitude of delicious foods around us....just do it in moderation.
No one says you cannot have a candy bar or some pizza or a Burger King Whopper, just do it in moderation.
Carry a 1lb bad of baby carrots with you, they don't go bad if unrefrigerated all day, they are sweet and they fill you up.

East fat free or low fat dressings(just not fat free blue cheese...it tastes like death warmed over...yeeeech!)

The other advice given here is great too.

Go talk to financial aid.

And as hard as it is, remove yourself from your parents views.
You are in college.
You are an adult now.
Everything you do now will be for you, and eventually for your family if you go that path.

It is a basic desire to get approval from your parents, but with the tough times you are telling, they could be using you as an outlet for their frustrations too, unintentionally of course.

Everything you need to change in your life, needs to be becuase YOU want it changed. Not because society says you are overweight. Not because your parents say you aren't trying hard enough.
Try harder because you want better grades.
Lose weight because you want to.

Pick a smaller weight loss number to reach first. Get it, enjoy it, the go after some more, because now you KNOW you can do it.

Add some lemon or lime juice to your water, adds a little flavor which I desperately need.

And like what was mentioned before, when you have so much on your schedule you don't know where to start....close your eyes, grab an issue, and destroy it! Do the whatecer it takes to not drop the others, but give 110% to one goal, and get it out of the way. Then when you come back for more, there is less to choose from. Honestly it sounds odd, but it works.
I always find it better to have completed 2 tasks 100% than to have 8 tasks 50% done.

And always feel free to vent. Alot of times that may be all you need.

Enough rambling from me.

Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

[DK]

Does your mom think that you are not trying hard enough at school or weight loss? Are your parents helping you with paying your school?

You are at a critical time in your life right now. What you do now and how hard you work at life will eventually make a difference in your future. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes it's not fair, sometimes it falls apart and nothing seems to work or go your way, but then out of no where it all fits together like a puzzle and it paints a beautiful picture. Life is definitely worth working hard for. Prioritize your life and work hard at the things that matter most. You may have to pick things to give up for the current time....you can't do everything. Life is not a sprint....it's more like a chest match. I know it's probably hard for the youth of your church to understand where you're at right now in your life....most of them are still deciding on what outfits to where or what they want for Christmas or what not. They don't understand that you have bigger responsibilities being 18, going to college, and paying for college. If you decide college is #1 right now, work hard at it and make it your own...own it and give it everything, and I'm sure you'll be okay. Try student loans, you don't have to start paying on them until you're finish with school and by that time you’re done you will hopefully have a good job to help you pay it back. Plus, you are not alone in this. There are tons of people just like you that don’t get things handed to them and have problems just like you. Keep kicking and scratching at life! You CAN do it.

[sly rax]

JMS3576 said:

*Stuff goes here*

Yeah, I managed to get a "me" day every week. I call it Saturday. That is what really keeps me sane. No work, and I pretend my school work doesn't exist.

JMS3576 speaks the truth here. Take a micro vacation. It is refreshing.

[orangina]

When things seem overwhelming..my advise is to break it down into manageable steps that you can do.

For example on the church youth trips..talk to your pastor and tell him what you have told us..that you want to participate, that you would love to participate but you just cant afford it. It wouldnt surprise me if he didnt cough up the bucks for you to go. In fact ASK if the church would be willing to help you out. Thats what a church is for also to teach the word and do good.

Next on the college speak to the guidance office and give them the skinny on your financial picture and ask for options. You would be surprised. BUT you wont find out not doing anything.

On the weight..yes maybe you feel good binging on candy but will you feel good next year? Decide to walk more and eat a little less. You dont have to go on a diet.
Just eat 1/4 less than what you are now.

BABY STEP..break things down..approach one thing at a time.

BREATHE!

[Laura Moncur]

My biggest obstacle is turning to food when I'm stressed, sad, bored, angry, etc. Food is relaxing. There's no doubt about it. That's why I'm addicted. Unlike other substances, though, I can't quit it cold turkey. I need to eat to survive.

In order for you to be healthy, you need to learn to deal with the crap in life without turning to food. Write in a journal. Take a walk. Exercise. Play DDR. Write on this forum. Whatever it takes to get the feelings out and feeling better without using food is what you need to do. Even if you end up crocheting the biggest blanket on the planet, it's better than damaging your body.

[katananoyami]

I know just how you feel, but on a smaller scale. I'm a sophomore and my family is going through a lot of the same issues as yours. after moving to massachusetts, we're not faring so well financially at all. my mom is clinically depressed and a diabetic and I also have a 6 year old sister to deal with. my dad is a drunk and he's almost never home... when he is, he's either screaming his lungs out at me or just pissing me off to the point that I do something that makes him scream his lungs out at me (my mom does the same). my mom also yells at me a lot about not trying hard enough to lose weight, and she won't listen to the fact that she is the one to blame, at least with the diet part. I've been begging her to keep salads and fruits and carrots around, but she always says that she can't buy anything outside of the budget and that would be overspending. no one around here wants a 15 year old girl as an employee, so I'm out of luck there too. school is such a pain... I've always been an excellent student but lately... all I can think is screw the teachers and why in hell's name do we have to learn all of this useless crap? I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm going to need to know how to write out electron configuration for plutonium anytime soon, and why spend 10 minutes doing a problem to figure out how many books I can fit into a basket when I can just shove them in there and see what happens? typical feelings, I know. I've never had a problem with having boyfriends... I'm told that I am beautiful, just big. I can't see it really. you know, maybe I should try and get an application for that plus-size modeling place... still, I want to lose weight so badly, and you should've seen all the candy I ate from halloween. I even ended up taking candy from my sister just because it was there and no one else was. I am for the most part content with my life in general and my own self... I have typical problems of a typical teen, I guess. I just sometimes have no willpower when it comes to food and I get so mad at myself. anger management problems don't help matters much, but don't worry, I'm not suicidal... anymore. well... you know what? are any of your friends overweight? because you should try and do something with one of them. and as said above, there are lots of people here who can help you out and listen to ranting (like I just did). I was trying to get my boyfriend to do something with me... but he's too lazy ^_^. I don't mind him being overweight really, it's just funny because I am stronger and taller and thinner than him. physically we look pretty bad together ^_^;;. Also, you shouldn't worry about having one. It's not that great, and the only time it is, it'll be with a guy that actually likes you for your insides (meaning, your soul... sicko). I was talking with my mom today in the car, and she reminded me of the time a few years ago when I went on evil atkins and lost about 15 lbs. at that time I was about 5'6" and went from 180 to 165. She said I looked completely hot, and I knew it. everyone reacted different to me, even my own grandparents. I gained it back pretty quick though. She said that if I did lose weight that it's pretty apparent I would be a guy magnet, but the question was if I really wanted that kind of false attention. I just laughed and looked at her and said "well, by that time mom, if they are flocking to me, I might as well use them". then I could just drop them and voila! (yes, I'm that evil). People say to pick a goal. I say pick more than one. If you want attention like that (which isn't so bad!) then make that a goal. For me, I see these clothes that I really really really really really want, so I make that a goal too. also, I want to be able to ddr on heavy perfectly, so that's another goal.
Ok, in need of shutting up now, I know....
Basically, make your goals, get a friend, and remember that losing weight doesn't have to be such a big deal. What I've decided is that I'm not goign to get on the scale at all (when I see I've lost a few pounds, I start eating more again), and I already feel myself being able to glide up the stairs at school more. If you truly are trying, then don't worry about what anyone else says. Just laugh in their face. It's fun. Alright alright gotta shut up. when my fingers are cold I tend to type more. IM me if you would like or something.