Completely Incomplete

[shannonbutton]

Throughout my life I have let myself fall to the arrogance and ignorance of others. Being teased in school for my size, trying to perfect myself for a man I used to date, trying to be all the things that I never was.

My journey to staighten out my life began in July 2003. I realized that I was in an abusive relationship, and I was doing things to myself that would have eventually ended my life. I was always afraid to leave him, afraid of what he might do, so I tried to find a reason to leave. The next month, August, I finally got the courage to leave. I moved back in with my family(home) and tried to restart. My ex wouldn't leave me alone. I started seeing this wonderful man in October 2003, despite all the problems with my ex.

I no longer speak nor see my ex, except when I walk to work or to the store. I am now engaged, and I have a son. My life is slowly beginning to piece together, though there are things that I would like to change.

It is all ready obvious that one of my goals is to lose weight and get fit. I want to be able to run in the park with my son, play outside with him, and who knows when I will have to chase him around the house to put his clothes back on him! I also want to look and feel better not only for my fiance', but for myself. I would also like to quit smoking, one of those nasty habits that people wish they would have never picked up. I should have quit while I was pregnant with my son, but didn't because at the time I was too selfish to see what I was doing to him and myself. I have matured so much since then, giving almost every ounce of spare time to him, doing dishes with him in his swing in the kitchen, taking a shower with him in his bouncer seat in the bath room, spending less on things that I want, but don't need just to make sure he has everything that he needs. It's been a major adjustment, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I would like to eat healthy, so that my son develops good eating habits, and realizes that McDonald's or Burger King is a special treat but not what you should eat all the time. Teach him that candy and chips are not good for you, eat a banana or apple instead. My son has become my major motivation!

I am slowly changing things. To start with, all though I am still a smoker , I do not smoke in the apartment, keeping the air clean around my son. Smoking stinks, and can lead to all sorts of diseases. I don't want to be sitting in a hospital bed with emphysema while my son graduates, or gets married. I want to be by his side always, or as long as I can. We also plan on having other children. I need to set a good example for them. Also along with the anti smoking, I feel so much better when I don't smoke, and I am so much happier. I get so much more accomplished when I don't smoke because I can be inside and do what I need instead of being outside only thinking of more to do and how I don't think that I will get it done. In general, I have no reason not to quit, just minor excuses.

Those are the major changes that I am focusing on right now, the things that I would like to do or change the most. I believe that I can do it and so does my fiance. I will keep everyone posted once I get into a routine, because for right at the moment it is trying to get into one.

Have a wonderful day all and good luck!

[shannonbutton]

Sorry didn't mean to post twice!

[alphaomega411]

QUIT SMOKING!!!! it is as simple as that if you dont want cancer or other illnesses then every time you get a craving have a sucker or sour candy and think of what cigs will do to you they are so bad for you. and your family you are saying to your baby that its ok even if you tell him otherwise. my fater smokes and so i started but quit and i can tell you, you will feel so much better once it is out of your system

[StarDrifter]

When I quit smoking, I started keeping gum around at all times. I also spent every minute of free time reading my wife's Harry Potter books. Keeping busy really did a lot of good.

You have to be ready to do it though.

[urbanjunglekitten]

Mmmmm Harry Potter . . .

You know, i'm glad to hear someone has had benefits from reading. I confess that reading is helping me lose weight as well. I find that i have this psychological affliction that causes me to feel hungry whenever i am bored. I've known about this habit in myself for a while, but never bothered to do anything about it (except feeling guilty after i boredom-ate). Well, since i'm no longer in school and i have plenty of time on my hands with my crappy job not getting in the way, i've been going to the bookstore and getting novels and nonfiction works to read. So, instead of eating when i'm bored, i pick up a book. I guess you could say that it's food for my mind instead of for my belly.

Shanaynay, good luck with finding your routine! Especially with small children, having any time for yourself is hard to find, but hopefully you will!

UJKitten

[shannonbutton]

I am all pumped up to quit...Iknowit is mostly a mental thing but I bought patches to ease the chemically addictive part. I know that I can do this!

[frantep16]

Good luck with quitting and keep us posted!

[michelle9sd]

Good job for realizing that those things were problems in your life, and also for taking action on it. That takes a lot of courage. Things will happen in time as long as you are strong and don't look back.

[robbinssports]

My dad quit smoking in his early twenties after smoking socially when it was cool in the 1960's. He said he just decided to quit for religious reasons, and never had the desire to do it again. I've seen so many others who struggle to do it. Is it more of a mental thing or physical?

[cupcakexprincess]

I'm happy that you are going to quit smoking. By you saying you know you can do it makes me so sure that you absolutely can! THAT'S how you know you're motivated...when you know that you know you can do it!!!